Please note: this is my view on marriage and my relationship. Many will and do not share this view and thats ok. Please do not take this personal b/c if you do you may find it offensive. If you take offense it is because you took it personally when you shouldnt have b/c it is not about you.
to sean for making me want, every day and forever
Need and Want.
Over the last year or so, we have been asked several times when it will be our turn to “tie the knot”. Although I had made a posting about this once before, I recently had an insight that is causing me to re-post about this topic.
Lying in bed I started to ponder the difference between co-habitation and legal marriage. I slowly came to the realization that it is the difference of need and want.
I can love you every day because I want to, not because I made a promise or a vow. Not because people witness my feelings or that we have joined families. Not because I am expected to by friends and family. I love you because every day when I wake up I want to love you.
We are joined with nothing more than the desire to be together. The will to continue our relationship every day, to grow, learn, laugh and continue our friendship not because we have a contract, a legal commitment or a religious promise. We do this every day because we choose to, we want to.
The need in this relationship is none because we have created it this way. We have had the ability to shape our lives outside the box of defined marriage. We have gone beyond the vows and promises of typical couples and created something that is unique to us, something that can no longer be defined by a ceremony or a title. We have met our needs by creating a desire much greater then expectations of others and institution. We have created an everyday want.
Every day I wake up and know who I am, not because I am defined by you but because I define myself. The ability to become who I want to be without feeling compelled that I have to complete you, be your other half. You have created in me a want to be your partner without asking me for promise, contract or continuous validation. I want to be with you.
I know that without you I will still be a complete person. I know that we are both strong enough to do it on our own without partnership without each other but that is not what we want. We know that we don’t need each other. We know that without each other life will continue we will remain a person with the same abilities and personal strengths we have always had, but we want to be together.
In the hierarchy of needs love is listed as the third need in the triangle. This is a need that all human must have to survive there is no disagreeing with that. It can be fulfilled by friends, lovers, parents, mentors ect. I have chosen to fill it with you. I have decided to go beyond just filling the need of love and marriage and have created a desire to be with you forever without the pressure of making it work. I want to love you, want to be with you and have never felt this perpetuating cycle for validation and commitment is necessary in my life. I have never felt this need and will never feel it because you meet it without me even asking. Without expectation, promise, paper and jewellery. You meet my need because you want to, as I do yours.
We have created a life that if one day we don’t want to love each other anymore it will be ok. We have created separate identities, lives and spirits that know how to live apart as well as together. To me that is the ultimate gift. This want must be engaged and driven; it must be intrigued and worked on. It must also be the will of both without any other underlying causes, without any promises contracts and obligations. This is what makes us strong. This is what makes us want each other. This is what makes us partners, an equal share of a common interest, us.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Confessions of the 20something...happiness
Ok call me odd and crazy, or lucky and blessed. Depends on how you look at things.
For almost 10 years I have been with the same guy (with a brief interlude at the 6 year mark). Yup that right if you worked it out then you can see I was still a teenager when all this happened. I have not regrets on the issue, i love him and where our life has gone. I have never had to worry about dating, sex on the first date, walking around with spinach in my teeth or be attractive and desirable 24/7 just in case i stumble upon Mr. Right.
Things progressed naturally, living together, buying a home, fixing up the home, traveling, working ect. Now we are adults living adult lives and acting rather adultish. but often i find myself looking up at the stars and thinking "is this it?" Is this what I was always so in a rush as a teen to do? To sleep with someone every night only to wake up to their thrudrous farts or tugging of the blankets. you have got to be kidding......nope they are not.
This does not mean that I am unhappy, I am quite happy with where I am in life and plan to make no drastic changes any time soon however I find myself wondering what is beyond this "Adultness".
Marrige, ok ok. I can hear you all shouting it from the hilltops. We have talk about it, its not for us. we have decided that things are great the way they are and what would a peice of paper do other then put us in debt??
kids...i dont think so. Not ready for the 18 years of commitment.
Is it possible that our whole lives we are not raised to be happy but content?
I am trying to find my place in this life between adventure, pradictability and happiness. Between commitment, dreams, and responcability. I dont think such a place exsists outside of content.
Is it possible to forget what happy feels like as you have been so blinded by being content that it is mistaken for happy?
I fill my life with books and school and think that being successful will bring happiness. That learning is the key to everything. It's not, just in case you are wondering.
For almost 10 years I have been with the same guy (with a brief interlude at the 6 year mark). Yup that right if you worked it out then you can see I was still a teenager when all this happened. I have not regrets on the issue, i love him and where our life has gone. I have never had to worry about dating, sex on the first date, walking around with spinach in my teeth or be attractive and desirable 24/7 just in case i stumble upon Mr. Right.
Things progressed naturally, living together, buying a home, fixing up the home, traveling, working ect. Now we are adults living adult lives and acting rather adultish. but often i find myself looking up at the stars and thinking "is this it?" Is this what I was always so in a rush as a teen to do? To sleep with someone every night only to wake up to their thrudrous farts or tugging of the blankets. you have got to be kidding......nope they are not.
This does not mean that I am unhappy, I am quite happy with where I am in life and plan to make no drastic changes any time soon however I find myself wondering what is beyond this "Adultness".
Marrige, ok ok. I can hear you all shouting it from the hilltops. We have talk about it, its not for us. we have decided that things are great the way they are and what would a peice of paper do other then put us in debt??
kids...i dont think so. Not ready for the 18 years of commitment.
Is it possible that our whole lives we are not raised to be happy but content?
I am trying to find my place in this life between adventure, pradictability and happiness. Between commitment, dreams, and responcability. I dont think such a place exsists outside of content.
Is it possible to forget what happy feels like as you have been so blinded by being content that it is mistaken for happy?
I fill my life with books and school and think that being successful will bring happiness. That learning is the key to everything. It's not, just in case you are wondering.
Confessions of the 20something....
There are some people in this world that drive me crazy. Drive me up the wall, around the corner and to the end of the Earth!!
The people who are bad with money, have little of it, and continue to spend it on crap then bitch they are broke. My simple soloution. DONT SPEND IT! Dont buy shit you dont need. Don't buy niknaks and other peices of crap that after you are finished going "awww" over you wont care about any more. Don't go to the spa because you need to relax then stress about having no money!
I have a phrase that will cure all your money woes. Get a job. Or get a better job. Or just slit your wrists while you still have enough money to buy a knife. What ever works.
yes yes, i know. I am insensitive to the people who live in poverty, who never had the oppertunity to go to school and get an education, to the people who have been traumatized and beaten down by our shitty society. This post it NOT for theos people. This post is for the people who have an education yet refuse to use it. Who had the abilities however are just to lazy. Who spend their money stupidly then expect all of us to sit around and listen to their bellyaching.
You drive me NUTS!
The people who are bad with money, have little of it, and continue to spend it on crap then bitch they are broke. My simple soloution. DONT SPEND IT! Dont buy shit you dont need. Don't buy niknaks and other peices of crap that after you are finished going "awww" over you wont care about any more. Don't go to the spa because you need to relax then stress about having no money!
I have a phrase that will cure all your money woes. Get a job. Or get a better job. Or just slit your wrists while you still have enough money to buy a knife. What ever works.
yes yes, i know. I am insensitive to the people who live in poverty, who never had the oppertunity to go to school and get an education, to the people who have been traumatized and beaten down by our shitty society. This post it NOT for theos people. This post is for the people who have an education yet refuse to use it. Who had the abilities however are just to lazy. Who spend their money stupidly then expect all of us to sit around and listen to their bellyaching.
You drive me NUTS!
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