Confessions of the 20something...happiness

Ok call me odd and crazy, or lucky and blessed. Depends on how you look at things.

For almost 10 years I have been with the same guy (with a brief interlude at the 6 year mark). Yup that right if you worked it out then you can see I was still a teenager when all this happened. I have not regrets on the issue, i love him and where our life has gone. I have never had to worry about dating, sex on the first date, walking around with spinach in my teeth or be attractive and desirable 24/7 just in case i stumble upon Mr. Right.

Things progressed naturally, living together, buying a home, fixing up the home, traveling, working ect. Now we are adults living adult lives and acting rather adultish. but often i find myself looking up at the stars and thinking "is this it?" Is this what I was always so in a rush as a teen to do? To sleep with someone every night only to wake up to their thrudrous farts or tugging of the blankets. you have got to be kidding......nope they are not.

This does not mean that I am unhappy, I am quite happy with where I am in life and plan to make no drastic changes any time soon however I find myself wondering what is beyond this "Adultness".

Marrige, ok ok. I can hear you all shouting it from the hilltops. We have talk about it, its not for us. we have decided that things are great the way they are and what would a peice of paper do other then put us in debt??

kids...i dont think so. Not ready for the 18 years of commitment.

Is it possible that our whole lives we are not raised to be happy but content?

I am trying to find my place in this life between adventure, pradictability and happiness. Between commitment, dreams, and responcability. I dont think such a place exsists outside of content.

Is it possible to forget what happy feels like as you have been so blinded by being content that it is mistaken for happy?

I fill my life with books and school and think that being successful will bring happiness. That learning is the key to everything. It's not, just in case you are wondering.